Today I…

Today I…

Touched base with my classroom team.

Finished planning my social skills group.

Met with a kid who had been suspended the day before and tried to talk him out of trying to get expelled.

Briefly met with the principal about consequences for an event with the same kid that had occurred earlier that morning.

Ran my social skills group.

Thought it was a different day of the week for three full hours.

Missed an appointment because of it.

Checked in with the same kid from the morning.

Had a counseling session. Sort of.

Supervised a couple of the boys playing catch during a break.

Ate lunch in the classroom.

Talked with my supervisor about the morning’s incident.

Met with the principal again about a different client.

Attempted to update the classroom teacher on my day so far.

Helped a client transition back into the classroom after refusing to participate.

Tried to finish my “sort of” counseling session from earlier.

Dealt with the aftermath of missing an appointment due to my temporary idiocy.

Had another counseling session and talked about goals with a kid who until now refused to talk about goals.

Got hit in the head with a foam ball (didn’t hurt, but just saying…).

Met with the principal again to follow-up on the consequences conversation from that morning.

Made a phone call I’d been procrastinating.

Went to a home visit.

Talked to my client’s older sister while I waited for her parents to get home.

Met a really adorable dog.

Got some paperwork signed.

Infused my clothing with the scent of cigarettes.

Told my client that, no, I could not take her home with me.

Made a lot of mistakes and didn’t get any paperwork done.

Felt okay at the end of the day.

Got through.

Looking on the bright side

I have been having trouble looking on the bright side lately. And for me—a person who has often been labeled an eternal optimist—that’s saying something.

I can’t say I find it shocking that I’m not feeling super positive and full of hope. Each day at this job is intense in a way I haven’t quite experienced before. In addition to confusion over policies and rules in this new program, my days regularly include (among other things): suicide threats (both serious and melodramatic), kids climbing up walls/doorways/lockers, and kids running through hallways to tear down hallway posters or trying to bolt from the building. I have the oldest kids in the program, but for the younger classes many days also involve physical restraints and/or getting kicked.

Still, there definitely are parts of my job I look forward to and those parts can’t be discounted. I already shared the awesome “Oops, I tooted!” incident in a recent post, so here are some of the other favorite moments and uplifting things that I’ve experienced so far:

Broken systems theory

Sometimes when you work in the educational system or the mental health system (or in my case, both) you start to feel a little like blah blah blah broken system blah blah blah. (In case you weren’t sure: yes, that is an official feeling. I looked it up.) When you’re working in a system that the media and politicians and everyone’s grandmother is describing as broken, the flaws are so in your face that talking and hearing about them can feel exhausting and ineffective. There are clients to see and students to teach. So if I’m whining in the break room about how I need more resources and time to help them, how is that helping them? You know?

Some days I have vivid fantasies about researching, developing, advocating for and implementing ideas for policy changes. In the end, someone somewhere always benefits! But even my fantasies usually exist on a small-scale. Even when I dream about change, my dreams are limited by the limitations of what feels realistic.

Trust wasn’t built in a day

I don’t know if you follow me on twitter. If you do, then you’ve probably seen me tweet numerous times about how much I dislike the phrase “difficult client.” If you haven’t seen it, well, now you know. I really, really, really wish the phrase would go away. Poof! Just like that. Gone. Thank you.

Contrary to what you might expect, I am not going to launch in to a discussion about “difficult situations” versus “difficult clients.” I am going to launch in to something, though.

When I first meet a client who presents as though the world is against them, I know there is a challenge ahead and how tough that path can be. Sometimes I even get caught up in the first-day-tension and forget the reward that can come when I venture down that path. The projective identification and/or countertransference overtake me. Suddenly the client’s fear and anger seem to fill the room and permeate my thoughts and my body. I may have to steady my hands when I write. And when I’m alone, I find myself asking what if they are right? What if I won’t be able to help? What if they will feel this shitty forever? What if this isn’t the best thing for them?

I assume this is the kind of space where “difficult clients” are born.

Back to Social Work, Limerick-style

There once was a process, recorded;
the blogger unnamed, but not sordid.
And since sometimes her work
Involved dealing with jerks
Those social work stories she hoarded.

While writing her tales of frustration
She found a surprising relation:
She felt things were all right
More oft when she’d write,
Like each post brought on relaxation.

I’m sure that you won’t find it shocking
To discover the source of this squawking,
For the blogger is me.
Yes, it’s true; I am she!
Now you know, let’s get on with this mocking.

It’s September, which means back to school
And while ending the summer seems cruel,
My new clients await
Though I’m somewhat afraid
I’ve lost track of my clinical tools.

Perhaps I dropped a skill by the sea
Or let one loose while climbing a tree.
Whatever the case
There’s no time to waste,
So it’s back to social work for me.