Broken systems theory

Sometimes when you work in the educational system or the mental health system (or in my case, both) you start to feel a little like blah blah blah broken system blah blah blah. (In case you weren’t sure: yes, that is an official feeling. I looked it up.) When you’re working in a system that the media and politicians and everyone’s grandmother is describing as broken, the flaws are so in your face that talking and hearing about them can feel exhausting and ineffective. There are clients to see and students to teach. So if I’m whining in the break room about how I need more resources and time to help them, how is that helping them? You know?

Some days I have vivid fantasies about researching, developing, advocating for and implementing ideas for policy changes. In the end, someone somewhere always benefits! But even my fantasies usually exist on a small-scale. Even when I dream about change, my dreams are limited by the limitations of what feels realistic.

Trust wasn’t built in a day

I don’t know if you follow me on twitter. If you do, then you’ve probably seen me tweet numerous times about how much I dislike the phrase “difficult client.” If you haven’t seen it, well, now you know. I really, really, really wish the phrase would go away. Poof! Just like that. Gone. Thank you.

Contrary to what you might expect, I am not going to launch in to a discussion about “difficult situations” versus “difficult clients.” I am going to launch in to something, though.

When I first meet a client who presents as though the world is against them, I know there is a challenge ahead and how tough that path can be. Sometimes I even get caught up in the first-day-tension and forget the reward that can come when I venture down that path. The projective identification and/or countertransference overtake me. Suddenly the client’s fear and anger seem to fill the room and permeate my thoughts and my body. I may have to steady my hands when I write. And when I’m alone, I find myself asking what if they are right? What if I won’t be able to help? What if they will feel this shitty forever? What if this isn’t the best thing for them?

I assume this is the kind of space where “difficult clients” are born.